>be kid>never had friends growing up
>started fights with kids/got my ass kicked a lot
>browse forums but never had the confidence to actually speak up and meet people
>try to kill myself a few times and everyone chalks it up to me just being a retard
>enter my teens and discover trans shit and it sticks with me
>browse /r9k/ before the board became an incelzone
>eventually stumble back into trans circles and learn about HRT thru youngshit early transitioners
>mom discovers I'm watching and reading fagshit
>have meltdown
>suicide attempt and wake up to her looking disappointed at me
>ask her how she felt
>"anon... next time, do better"
>Turn 18
>decide to take HRT to see if it makes me satisfied with my life after all this time
>make plan to kill myself with hrt on my person as some statement
>don't do it
>grow tits rather quickly
>get caught by mom that I'm taking hrt and she kicks me out of the house
>try to kill self again and survive yet again
>move in with anon off /TGG/
>fast forward to a few years and I'm practically cispassing, have fat tits
>most ppl assume I'm either cis or a theyfab but I'm ambivalent towards it
>why should I like this? I should be dead
>go onto this godforsaken board to seek solace
>post after post of people I cannot relate to
>post the occasional selfie in passgen and mostly get ignored or accused of being a cisgirl baiting
>look @ the calendar
>It's been 6 years since I started HRT and I still have no idea what I'm doing
>mom tells most family I'm dead
>name is changed, even have a few IRL people I know but I'm a tech-savvy NEET
>this board is nothing like how it used to be, no idea where I'm supposed to be.
>I'm not a girltwink or a dorky waifish brunette league player
>I can't stand talking to cis women or cis guys
>other trans ppl are intimidated by me or think I'm too good for them
>I'm just some suicidal 14 year old dude now trapped in the body of a girl
I killed the boy in the mirror but at what cost