>repress and cut off contact with all other people to help me dissociate. i'd still work and stuff, but i would make the conscious decision to not get to know anyone. the rest of my life i'd spend consuming media and writing fanfiction.>kill myself right now. death is inevitable anyway.
>get on hrt an manmode while not making any effort to pass. i wouldn't be able to date anyone because i'm only attracted to cis women and post-op trans women. but at least things would mostly remain the same and i wouldn't feel any additional stress.
>actually put effort into transitioning and hopefully become a 165cm twinkhon after years of painful and stressful hard work. in case things go south i'll probably end up killing myself, but if things work out i'll finally be happy.
No matter what I chose, the threat of death is always constant. There's no real good option here, and I'm just so devastated that my life turned out like this. I'm so lonely. I'm so miserable and scared of everything and no matter what I chose to do I'll never feel reassured that the pain will someday go away.