i just want to be heldi just hate knowing that's i'll die alone as a khhv due to being trans. i just want to feel someone's skin against mine and feel the
touch and tase and sound and smell of another human. i just want to have someone in my life who i can walk up to and say to them that i'm sad and i want to lay next to them and be hugged and they would do it and they wouldn't judge me or be upset or be annoyed or whatever because they really care about me and they want me to be happy. i wish i had a shoulder to cry on when i am sad so that i wouldn't have to turn to such terrible coping mechanisms to vent my negative emotions. more than anything i just want to be able to know that someone cares about me and how i'm doing and wants me to be ok. and nothing hurts more in the entire universe than the daily realization that due to some cosmic fluke i was born with a condition that forces me to be an ugly unlovable freak, literally destined to die alone, not because i did anything wrong. i get so sad and filled with existential terror when i realize i will never get to know how it feels to have someone who loves me back. i cannot handle the fact that i WILL die without ever having anybody care about me or want to be around me or want to make me happy or rely on me for something or place their trust in me or want to touch me or enjoy listening to me talk. i just wish i could have that so fucking much, but every day i realize it's impossible because i'll never be any less or a shemale. prog made this worse by the way. it makes me touch starved and not in a cutesy way. laying in bed cold and alone used to just feel mildly depressing. now it makes my heart feel heavy and i cry pretty much involuntarily every time. i just wish i had someone who wasn't repulsed by me and wanted to be near me and cuddle and express affection to me and accept my affection for them and not hate me for being a human who just likes another human and wants to be near them