I could have lived my life as a cute, socially adjusted 4'11" baby faced foid, Not being a khhv, Partying, having a relationship, having a friend group, just having a well adjusted social life in general but instead I'm a mentally ill antisocial foid with poon toughts 24/7.I'm not even trans, every time I fap I fantasize about scissoring, taking cock/strap in the poon and cloning myself to fuck my foid body, I'm just a mentally ill woman. My theory is that my retardation it's do to being socialized as a male in kindergarten by mistake because my classmates thought I was a boy until the end of the year, so my brain got poon brainworms in my formative years that would remain for the rest of my life.
>shota mode in elementary school
>shota mode in middle shchool
>go on t for 9 months in high school when I still tought I could make it
>go through the hell of being an obvious pooner in highschool
nowaday I go through life as this ambiguos shota/tomboy thing, I cope by shotamoding when I go to random places alone and girlmode in work in order to not be an obvious pooner. This way life it's not hell, I would call it purgatory, where I don't have to go through the hell that a man or a clocky pooner my height would have to go through, but I also can't unlock the tutorial mode as I would have to be okay with female socialization 24/7 and I'm too mentally ill for that.
Is there a way for me to get rid of the poon urges and live as a normal cis foid?