i'm almost 4 years hrt and i'm starting to believe less and less that trans women are really women. i want it to be true and I don't want to be a feminine or gay male or a sissy or whatever but it feels like that's all anyone will ever see us as. i'm told I pass but i doubt it irl and I just do not feel like a woman, I'm fixating on all the physical differences and the idea that you can just become a woman is sounding more ridiculous me. i'm feeling like all the conservatives and tourists here are right despite how deranged they always sound.I don't really want to transition since I'm still dysphoric but I feel lost on how to live my life. I'm not some porn tranny who's okay with identifying as adjacent to a gay man, although I envy them in finding a comfortable identity since that makes me just as dysphoric as being seen as regular cishet man. what do i do