existing in public is excruciating. people tell me i pass, but i think it’s just a combination of politeness and face blindness from them seeing me all the time. my mom in particular gets kinda angry with me if i ask her how i look. she always just says i “look fine” without elaborating. and if i push for a real answer she yells at me that i need to spend less time on my phone. idk i feel like my body isn’t “that” bad but clothing seems to just not want to cooperate. i have a good enough figure for a troon, but everything i wear just seems to enlarge my ribs / chest (in a bad way) and shrink my hips. i try to show off my waist with more form fitting stuff but i always change and put something baggy on overtop, because otherwise i just look like a bursting toob of sausage. maybe my sense of style is just utter garbage? and i’m just picking things that don’t work well together?i think it’s more likely that i don’t pass. not really at least. or maybe this is just what existing as a tall woman is like.
i genuinely think people are lying to me because they think ill kill myself otherwise. and even if it really is just brainworms i might as well do the same thing lol. 2.5 years of therapy and hrt has barely put a dent in this and i suffer from my maleness everyday.