>be cis male>have crush on best friend (trans woman)
>been since we knew each other, even through her dating a woman, and being very vocal about being lesbian (was always respectful and accepted my fate)
>she had a breakup, I left the city for a while for school and later therapy for suicidal depression
>I moved back a year and a half later
>we meet up
>start hanging regularly again, she got even more beautiful than before from working out and hormones and stuff
>later she initiates cuddling
>next meeting we kiss while cuddling
>heavy makeouts
>stop because we both agreed it wouldn't go anywhere and I'd get my heart broken
>we actually stay friends
>a week ago
>we meet up again
>we cuddle
>we kiss
>we talk about her sex anxiety that she mentioned before
>she is clearly very distraught
>we come to the mutual idea that maybe me giving her head would be a thing she wants to try out in the future
>i love eating pussy like a fiend (and gave head to some other trans women I have been with before getting in them guts)
>know that she is just using me for sex where she can imagine somebody else while I am using her for the illusion of something more
how the hell did I get in this situation
I know she is just desperate but I seriously love this woman I will never have