I am losing my mind over wasted time. I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm almost 26 and fucked up every good thing in my life due to self hate. I don't want to draw anymore, I can't connect with people, I am too ashamed to look anyone in the eyes.
I'm going to move out and ask i feel is suicidal. I have never been honest or accepting of myself in my life. I genuinely thought I should be the most perfect 'status quo' and that everyone would like me for it. I thought I should be in an relationship with an asexual woman just to seem normal. I thought I could stuff down everything that made me happy and that it would somehow bring me love. I lived my life entirely by my parents or societies standards.
Im just trying to love myself now. I just want to accept happiness freely. I want things to be easy. I want to have fun making art again. I don't want to die alone