How do I stop wanting to kill myself every day?

I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER afford FFS. Never. It would take 20 years for me to save up for BUDGET FFS. No one covers it here. Not private insurance, not public.
What do I do? I have a shitty job, parents that don't have such money. I thought about asking them to take out a loan but it seems insane.
Every day is a pain. And no one can help.