>be me mtf 19 years old>meet really cool guy who is 10 years older
>lose virginity to him
>spend a lot of time with him
>become obsessed with his body and everything that comes out of it
>not just his cum but his smells and musks and scents
>armpits, balls
>start smelling his ass and farts when he sleeps
>start wondering what his poo is like as it slithers out of his beautiful body
>tell him I want to watch him poo jokingly one day
>we laugh it off
>ask him again but seriously this time
>he says no and calls me weird
>he doesn't respond as enthusiastically to my messages anymore and does not want to see me as often
Why is it not ok for me to desire him?